The Happiest Memory
by The Green Lady
Summary: Remus Lupin on the train in Harry's third year. The past is more present then ever for our beloved werewolf...


**The Happiest Memory**

Remus John Lupin made his way slowly down the train corridor, his stomach twisting and squirming into knots from apprehension and excitement. He was going back to Hogwarts.

He passed the empty compartments, feeling as though it was all a dream.

Then he saw it. The last compartment at the end of the train. Remus's weary stride picked up considerable pace.

10 more to go…5 to go…3 to go…and then…

He was there. The Official Marauder Compartment. Brown-nosers, Slytherins, teacher's pets and Montrose Magpie foes beware.

Remus reached out and slid open the glass door with slightly trembling fingers.

It hadn't changed since the days the Marauders had claimed it. Admittedly there were quite a few scratching and carvings on the sides of the walls and there was a slight aroma of frog spawn lingering about the place but nevertheless, it was still the same.

Remus drew a shaky breath and stepped over the threshold. Floating dust specks that filled the compartment reflected the bright sunlight that was filtering in through the window. He reached up and placed his small, battered suitcase up on the overhead shelf. Then he sat down in his old seat next to the window. For a moment he stared at his pale and exhausted reflection in the window.

_Brilliant. _He thought wryly. _Grey hair at my age already._

With a tired sigh, he put his head against the window. The monthly transformations were becoming more and more draining as the years passed. It was finally starting to show. He stared at the empty seat across from him and began to drift off into the area between consciousnesses and sleep…

* * *

Across from him sat a plump, light haired boy who was eating a Cauldron Cake ravenously. 

"So then what happened?" he asked the boy on Remus's left, watching him with awe.

"Well," Said the boy with untidy, jet black hair. "I took a steep dive over the ravine to avoid it-I'd say it was about 100-no, close to 200 meters-"

The other boy sitting next to Peter gave a disbelieving snort.

"You don't believe me Padfoot?" James asked sounding slightly hurt and offended.

"I'd sooner believe that Wormtail slayed a dragon in Romania or that Moony had become a drag queen, rather then you were chased on your broom for an hour by muggle helicopter men." Sirius said affectionately as he continued to scratch something onto his seats wooden armrest with a large switch knife.

"What are you carving there mate?" James asked, leaning forward in his seat to try and see.

Sirius looked up from his handiwork, his grey eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Did you know that my initials are SOB?"

"Are you serious?" James grinned.

"Of course I'm Sirius!" he said, immediately picking up his usual punning habit. "Sirius Orion Black, quite literally-a son of a bitch!"

They al began laughing and suddenly the compartment door slid open. To everyone's shock, it was none other then Lily Evans.

James's hand instinctively and immediately flew to his messy hair.

"Well hullo, Evans. This is certainly a surprise. What's the special occastion?"

Lily who looked just as surprised as the Marauders all did, regained her composure quite quickly and gave James that dark scowl reserved just for him.

"There is no special occasion, Potter." She said acidly. "I was trying to find my friends-I had no intention of trying to find and see you." She threw back her dark red hair and was just about to shut the door and leave when James jumped up and stuck his foot in front of the door to stop it.

"What are you doing Potter?" she asked suspiciously. Remus found himself hoping this encounter wouldn't turn into a similar fiasco of what happened a few months ago. On the train ride home, James had gone into Lily's compartment and as a result, came out less then five minutes later drenched in frog spawn which she herself had poured on him when he wouldn't leave after her repeated demands.

James leaned calmly against the door frame and crossed his arms. "What's the rush Evans? I just wanted to ask you how your summer was, that's all."

Lily raised her eyebrows and she too folded her arms across her chest as she looked at James.

"Why would you care?" she asked coolly.

"Because Evans, I like you and I'm curious."

"How extraordinarily nice of you." Lily replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"That's us!" Sirius said suddenly who had his feet stretched up on James's unoccupied seat. "The nicest, politest, most caring students of Hogwarts."

"Shut up." James said glaring at his friend who was smirking back up at him in return. He turned back to Lily and added quickly, "Honestly Evans, I was just being polite."

"Polite?" Lily snorted. "Since when have you been polite to anyone?"

"Just now." James pointed out.

To all their surprises, Lily smiled. "Very clever Potter." She finally said. "Well, my summer was fine thank you and I hope yours went well too." Then she turned on her heel and walked quickly down the corridor without waiting for James's reply.

James stood in the doorway and watched her leave. He sighed cheerfully and then shut the door.

"I see that your technique to get Evans to go out with you has dramatically improved since last year…subtle hints, it's better then yelling the bloody question in her face while the rest of the school watches." Said Sirius as he took his feet off James's seat.

James flopped down in it, grinning. "You wait and watch Padfoot. One day, I'm going to marry that girl."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Sure Prongs, sure."

"I'm serious."

"No, I am."

"Shut up. I am going to marry her…and you can be best man at our wedding."

"How thoughtful of you! Perhaps you'll name your son after me too?"

"My generosity does have its limits mate." James laughed.

"Do you want that Pumpkin pasty, James?" Peter asked, eyeing it hungrily.

James threw it over to him. "You can have it."

"What," Peter began to ask in his usual squeaky voice, "is the best gift that god has ever created in your opinion?"

"Women." Sirius said immediately.

"Quidditch. Definatly Quidditch." James replied.

"Not Lily Evans?" Sirius asked slyly.

James kicked him. "What about you Wormtail?"

"I was going to say Pumpkin pastys. I love these things." He said taking an enormous bite out of it.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Moony?" James asked. "What about you? What's the best gift that god has ever created in your opinion?"

"That's easy." Said Remus honestly. "Friends."

* * *

Suddenly there was a loud yelp of pain, Remus's eyes snapped open. It made no difference, he was surrounded by total darkness. 

"I'm going to go and ask the driver what's going on." Came a young girl's voice. Remus heard movement, the compartment door slide open, a loud thud and two squeals of pain.

"Who's that?"

"Who's that?"

"Ginny?"

"Hermione?"

"What are you doing?"

"I was looking for Ron-"

"Come in and sit down-"

"Not here! I'm here!"

"Ouch!"

'Quiet!" Remus said suddenly. He sat up. The compartment was now silent. _Ignimanus…_ In the palm of his hand, glowing flames sprang up, filling the compartment with a shivering light. Five young children were staring nervously at him. A bushy haired girl, a freckled red haired boy and girl who looked as though they were sister and brother, a fearful looking, round faced boy and-

His heart seemed to have stopped. He couldn't breath. For one wild moment, he thought he had fallen back through time. It was James…

Then he saw the eyes behind the glasses. Those startlingly green, almond shaped eyes…Lily's eyes…

It was Harry.

Remus forced himself to focus on the situation at hand. "Stay where you are." He told them and slowly got to his feet.

Before he could reach the door however, it slid open on it's own.

A Dementor was standing in the doorway, hooded and cloaked-towering over Remus and his soft, crackling flames. It drew a long, slow, rattling breath to suck the emotions right out of the air. An intense cold swept over them all. Remus felt his insides turn to ice as they were pierced by the terrifying chill…

Suddenly, Harry fell out of his seat and began twitching as though he were having a seizure. Remus stepped over him, trying not to panic and walked up to the Dementor. He pulled out his wand.

"None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks. Go." He said firmly.

The Dementor continued to stand there. It drew another chilling, rattling breath and Remus felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He felt as though he had fallen into freezing, icy cold water. He forced himself not to shudder, not to focus on the engulfing coldness...

* * *

"Know what? I-I-don't know what you're talking about." Remus stuttered as he stared at his three friends over the enormous pile of books and parchments. 

"We know your secret." James said somberly.

Remus felt waves of shock and fear crash over him. How could this happen? How did they find out?

"I don't know what you're talking about." He croaked.

"We're talking about your secret, why you disappear once a month." Sirius said coolly. His eyes were unreadable, his face emotionless.

Remus felt cold, his hands began to tremble. "My-my mother's been sick." He said. "And then before that, I had to-"

The three boys exchanged a knowing look. James sighed and sat down in the chair opposite Remus.

"Remus…" he said heavily. "We worked it out. You haven't been visiting your mother. You've been going to the Shrieking Shack every full moon to transform."

Remus couldn't move. He couldn't speak, only stare at them, froze with horror.

"We know you're a werewolf."

What little blood was left in Remus's face was drained from it. The three boys watched their friend calmly as he turned ghastly white, and the seconds lengthened.

"How long have you known?" Remus asked through numb lips.

"Not very long." James said. "We've been piecing together the clues for awhile though once we started to define our suspicions."

So they had discovered his secret. It was all over…he'd have to leave the school, he'd lost his only friends and he'd never have a second chance. He felt his eyes fill with tears, blurring his vision.

"I understand." He whispered and he stood up, his heart breaking from the cruel, raw pain of reality.

He picked up his books and walked up to the dormitory, leaving his confused looking friends in the common room.

He wanted to sob, he wanted to scream, and he was so mad and so upset that they had discovered the terrible truth. He thought he had covered his tracks so carefully…but apparently, not well enough.

He slowly began to pack his trunk. All his books, robes, and possessions he neatly folded and placed into his small trunk. It wasn't long before he was locking it up and dragging it towards the dormitory door.

The door opened before Remus could reach it and to his dismay it was his three friends. Their eyes fell from him, to his packed trunk, to his neat and spotless bed in the corner.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" James demanded.

Remus's eyes were quite dry now and his voice calm and steady. "Leaving, of course."

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked sharply.

"Well I obviously can't stay here."

"Why not?" all three of them asked simultaneously.

Remus looked at them, thunderstruck.

"You know the truth about me now."

"So?" James said vociferously. "Why does that mean you have to leave?"

"I can't stay here. Parent's won't want their children exposed to me."

"You think we've told people?" Sirius asked loudly and incredulously.

"I don't blame you if you did or are going to." Remus said quietly.

James looked at his other two friends and nodded as if he were giving them a signal. What happened next, stunned Remus. Sirius grabbed Remus's trunk out of his hands and began to drag it back into the room. Peter snatched Remus's wand out of his hand and followed Sirius. James grabbed Remus's arm in a vicelike grip and pulled him into the room where he forced him to sit on the floor beside Frank Longbottom's trunk.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked in confusion.

"You're not leaving Remus." James said firmly.

"I have to-you don't understand."

"Oh, we understand." said Sirius coolly as he dropped Remus's trunk with an almighty 'thud'. "We just don't think you do."

"Look!" Remus cried. "It's over for me! I can't stay here anymore. You know the truth about me. I'm a monster, your parents won't like it, other students and their parents wont like it. I have to go."

"But surely you don't want to go, Remus?" Peter asked anxiously.

"Of course I don't. But I must."

James stared at Remus. "Remus," he said slowly. "We haven't told anyone and we're not going to tell anyone your secret…students or parents. So you're staying here."

Remus felt his heart start beating with incredulous hope. "But why? He asked softly. "I don't understand. Why aren't you going to tell anyone?"

James smiled. "You're our friend Remus. We don't mind you being a werewolf, you're still the same person we've always known. So what if you turn into a wolf every full moon? The rest of the 29.53059 days you're still Remus Lupin."

"We understand why you hid the truth from us, and why you didn't tell us-but you don't have to now. We'll keep your secret Remus." Peter promised in his squeaky voice.

"What are friends for anyways, eh?" Sirius grinned. "To rat on you, betray your trust and throw you to the dogs? Come'on Remus, we're here for you. We've got your back."

Remus was speechless. He had true friends for the first time in his life. They knew what he was and weren't leaving him for it, such happiness that he had never known seemed to fill his heart with a glowing light like that of a lit candle. A warm, intense heat spread through him and he felt his very soul seemed to take flight, feeling lighter then it had in ages...

* * *

"Expecto patronum." Remus muttered. 

His silver white patronus shot from the end of his wand and lunged at the Dementor. Immediately, it spun around and went away with the blinding, dazzling white patronus chasing it.

Remus turned back to the children, the red haired boy and bushy haired girl were kneeling next to Harry trying to wake him up. The red haired girl was shaking uncontrollably, huddled in the corner. The round-faced boy looked frightened as he sat there, teeth chattering. Suddenly the boy's strangely familiar face hit a note of recognition for Remus. Frank and Alice's son…Neville.

The train lurched forward and the overhead lanterns turned on. Remus extinguished the burning flames in his hand.

"Harry! Harry! Are you alright?"

"W-what?" Harry opened his eyes…Lily's eyes…He pushed his glasses back on his face with his hand…James's hand…Remus shook his head to clear it as Harry's two friends heaved him back into his seat.

"Are you ok?" the red haired boy asked nervously.

"Yeah." Said Harry. His eyes flickered to the doorway where the dementor had stood. "What happened? Where's that-that thing? Who screamed?"

Remus took an enormous slab of chocolate out of his pockets that he had planned on eating earlier before he had fallen asleep.

"No one screamed." Said the Harry's friend. Remus was guessing that he was a Weasley as well as the little girl, from their red hair, freckled appearance.

"But I heard screaming-"  
Remus broke the large slab and they all jumped in surprise. He handed a particularly large piece of chocolate to Harry.

"Here," he said. "Eat it. It'll help."

Harry took it. "What was that thing."

"A Dementor." Said Remus calmly handing the rest of them pieces as well. "One of the Dementors of Azkaban."

All of the children stared at him. He crumpled up the empty chocolate wrapper and put it back into his pocket.

"Eat," he repeated. "It'll help. I need to speak to the driver, excuse me."

He strolled as casually as possible past Harry and the others and went out into the corridor.

He had to a lot to do. He had to send an owl to McGonagall as soon as possible to let her know what had happened, check up on the driver and investigate the rest of the corridors to make sure the rest of the students were alright…

Harry Potter on the train, in his compartment…no, the Official Marauder Compartment of all places. The last time he had seen Harry was about 12 years ago when he was still just a baby. He still remembered babysitting Harry, trying to unsuccessfully diaper him, take him on a walk, feed him, put him to bed. Harry threw up on him too, that one time when James handed him off to Remus after tossing him in the air after feeding him an enormous amount of orange baby food. He still remembered Lily reading bedtime stories to him and singing lullabies.

So much had happened since then. James and Lily were dead. Peter was dead. Worst of all, Sirius was their murderer who had just recently escaped prison to finish the job for good and kill Harry.

_Come 'on Remus, we're here for you. We've got your back…_ The words of the man who once said this and once passionately avowed to die before betraying them all, stabbed painfully at Remus's heart.

He felt a grim, determination settle in him. He had lost his friends, he had no right to happiness…he was alone and he had always known this.

He was going to watch over Harry, he was going to keep him safe. No matter what the cost, what the effort, he was going to protect Harry. He had failed him years ago even if Harry didn't know it. He was not going to let it happen again.

Harry Potter…the symbol of Remus's last ties to a destroyed and fallen happiness.

**The End**


End file.
